Shame

Literature

John Bradshaw - Healing the Shame That Binds You

Comment / Evaluation

Part 1

Part 2

Book

Quotes

“Don't be trapped into accepting shame from someone who is trying to keep you from doing something you have every right to do.”

Godin, Seth: Common traps, worth avoiding. Available online at https://seths.blog/2017/09/common-traps-worth-avoiding/.

"People deserve to be saved. Even from themselves. The right to be saved is inherent, nothing has to be done to earn it."

What will save us from ourselves?

Definitions

"An expectation that others would be disgusted if they knew what the person was thinking of or had done. It motivates a strong wish to prevent others from learning what the person has done or thought."

Concepts

Shame always disguises truth.

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” --C.G. Jung

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” --Brené Brown

Definitions of shame are based on the "other", i.e. always require the presence of another entitiy that one cares about. Without the "other" there is no shame.

Difference between Guilt and Shame

Guilt

According to John Bradshaw:

Guilt means that you did something wrong and are responsible for it. Maybe sorry for it. Shame is you did something and you are bad. It goes much deeper and results in a general statement about you as a whole person.

Guilt means that you did something wrong and are responsible for it. Maybe sorry for it. Shame is you did something and you are bad. It goes much deeper and results in a general statement about you as a whole person.

Guilt refers to a feeling resulting from the fact that you are aware that you did something wrong and are responsible for it. Maybe sorry for it. Shame is you did something and you ARE bad. It goes much deeper and results in a general statement about you as a whole person.

Using shame to exert force / control people:

1) give someone an impossible task

"Impossible" here refers to any task that is sufficiently difficult to fail in most cases.

2) attach the result to that individual's intrinsic value/worth as a human being

Those examples of people who did accomplish the task are held against those other individuals who did not: "You see, it is possible. You should have tried harder. You maybe did not really want it. It is your fault."

"You see, it is possible."

That means that you:

"Have not tried hard enough."

"You maybe did not really want it - like you pretend to do."

"Basically, it is your own fault."

control that person

In Christian theology, sin comes before forgiveness. In this view all people are sinners, but can be forgiven. This creates a dependency on the construct of God as an entity and the institution of the church that claims to represent God.

The message continues (I am paraphrasing): "If you believe, you will be forgiven. Hence your worth depends on this act of yours..." which of course is in the interest of the institution. Using a vulnerability of human nature in the interest of an institution has worked since the beginning of time.

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