THE FOUR STEPS- wanting to have my car at school but I share it with my sister so my mom rather the car stays at the house to not be unfair 
Step 4 - SELECTING SOLUTION WITH MAXIMUM GAIN 
win win 
or maximum gain 
Not a win win  but is maximum gain
My mom has to do little to no driving for us - Riley gets the car - and I will have more options for being picked up than if that car was at home
choose best solution 
Give Riley the car since  she lives furthest away
much more realistic snd will actually be able to purchase a parking spot at her school (Merrimack much less likely)
She has to pick me up on her way home and whenever I need her to (which is easy since my school is on the way home and closest to the rest of my gamily members) 
Step 3 - BRAINSTORM SOLUTIONS 
no evaluating 
no judging 
collaboration 
coming up with lots of potential solutions 
leaving car at home so no one feels  chosen  over the other 
Riley gets the car and picks me up when I need 
I get the car due to the fact that Riley got the car last semester 
I have the car but make sure to pick up my sister when she needs 
 
Step 2- IDENTIFY NEEDS AND WANTS 
 self  assertion - I statements instead of you statements 
POSITIONS VS NEEDS 
Needs - why they want that 
emotions 
why they do what they do 
moms needs-  wants to be fair. Doent want to drive around as often. Doesn't want to have to worry for our car safety and car troubles 
my needs- want to come home more. Be able to escape when needed, see/ visit  friends 
position - what they want (outcome they want)  
moms position -wants car at home 
My position - wants car at Merrimack 
step 1 - CONNECT TO THE HUMANITY (
curiosity, being calm 
recognizing people are different 
summarizing and paraphrasing 
shows the other person that you understand 
other person feels heard which disarms them 
body language - eye contact 
makes person feel more comfortable- shows that you are listening 
ask questions 
understand  the other persons perspective (listen) 
Riley is far from home, harder time and options for getting home than me. Has lots of reasons for needing the car and more things to drive for. 
My mom docent want to have to do as much driving and worrying about rides. She also docent want to be unfair and wants to make sure both me and Riley are satisfied 
EMPATHETIC LISTENING